Parenting.

In some point of most people's lives, parenting becomes one important role that they have to take up.. I think this role is a very tedious and I respect every parent (who don't mistreat their child!) in this whole wide world.

Initially, the couple will be all exhilarated, joyful and thankful that they're expecting a baby.. Then as the day when it's time to give birth, fear, especially from the mum, kicks in. Out comes the baby, and tears of joy streaming down their cheeks. Then hormonal changes within the mother + a new (and very noisy and demanding) member in the family => depression.. arguments.. short tempered-ness..

But as the couple watches the baby grow up, the happier they get.. 'Aww, Baby XX is growing up so fast...' I learnt from my medical course that besides genetics, it's the type of parenting and environment that moulds out how a child is going to be in future..

With the help of my all-time best companion during exams, WIKIPEDIA, there are 4 types of parenting, but I'll only touch on 3:

Authoritarian: Demanding parents.. Expect highly of their children.. Strict.. Hitting the child..
Result: Kids tend to become less sociable.. Poor leadership skills..

Tantrums.. Tantrums..

Permissive: Few rules and demands from parents.. Parents give in to whatever kids want.. Don't wanna go school, okay loh.. Want this toy, okay loh..
Result: Girls usually do better than boys.. (千金大小姐?) Kids tend to be more impulsive and selfish..

Social play!

Authoritative: Best way of parenting.. A more child-centred approach though different from permissive.. Some rules and demands given by parents.. Parents ground rather than hit their children.. Parents compromise whenever possible.. Rewards given when necessary.. Strict when punishing, but explains why parents are doing so to the kids..
Result: Kids do very well in school.. more sociable.. independent..

This is called Neglectful parenting, the 4th type of parenting I didn't mention of.

Anyway, I just want to point out that these types of parenting may not eventually produce the same types of kids.. Because, as I have mentioned, there are other factors that determine how a child will develop.

What I've been trying to show is that parenting is difficult! So, for example, if a parent gives in too much to a kid because he/she loves the kid a lot, but eventually the kid turns out to be selfish, impulsive etc, is it the parent's fault? If a parent does something slightly wrong, and the kid starts rebelling, is it the parent's fault?

I've seen quite a few young kids with totally different behaviours - some are very independent, enthusiastic, willing to share, while others are less sociable and grumbles and throw tantrums whenever they like.

I do believe that parenting is important, even after kids grow out of their childhoods. I'm very sure that at the stage of adolescence, parenting becomes extra important again. For example, a boy (turning to a man) says he wants to hang out with his friends after dinner for several nights

If parent says yes without further questioning, will the boy mix with bad company and eventually turn into a delinquent?

If parent says no immediately, will the boy become a rebel and hate his parents more, saying that they DON'T GIVE HIM FREEDOM? (This freedom issue, I'm sure, happens to EVERY KID. Believe me on that.)

If parent asks where they're going, sets a time he's supposed to be back.. Will the boy be safe? What's gonna happen when he grows up? Will he be doing something bad outside?


Most importantly, do the parents blame themselves for the bad turn out of their children?

Mummy and baby

Everyone is a child to their parents. I am a child to my parents too. I just think that parenting is such a huge task, and seeing kids with such different personalities, I really wonder if I make a wrong move, will my future child suffer from the aftermath of this 'wrong' type of parenting?

Gees, parenting is so frustrating. However, like what James reminded me: Even if a child becomes a delinquent, deep in his parents' hearts, they still love them the same.

Respect. The power of parents' love for their kids.