It's so hard..

I tell myself it's just a temporary goodbye, but it's not helping me..


Chagi ya.. )':

I'm up and jumping~!

YAYYYYYYYYY~!

I passed my OSLER this morning.. (: It was with another consultant, and it was a pretty easy case, so it wasn't a surprise that I passed.. Haha. Anyhow, I'm happy already. The other OSLER with my home tutor's on Tuesday. I saw him this afternoon and he told me that he would give me a COMPLICATED case. My partner who took my turn yesterday got a very unexpected case and didn't do well eventually. ): I guess I have to work hard this weekend then! Of course after my date with Lyds tomorrow night for 27 dresses and pizza. Woohoo! :D Can't wait.

Lydsy~!

Ate with Jen this afternoon @ Seoul and my, haven't seen her in AGES! We were chatting non-stop (REALLY non stop I tell you! Even eating with our mouths full HAHA), from Fix cafe to Seoul restaurant (they're next door to each other HAHAHAHA). Jen, I truly enjoyed that 1hr 15 min with you. (: And I'm so happy for ya~! *winks winks* ROFL. Must ask me out soon ah!!

Miss my MICN301 ladiessss~~~ ):

Just came back from on call tonight, and decided not to attempt clerking the 2nd patient for the night, especially after trying that for those few on call nights. Cos' by the time I clerked the 2nd patient, my eyes were == and my tone was ..... I don't think I wanna try that again! Hehe.

James is out tonight - studying for his test tomorrow, and having an end of semester 'party' at his friend's place. Yes. AT THE SAME TIME. Funny, ay? Chagiyaaa~~ 快回来哦！ Come back to town. Pine Hill's not as fun as town. Hahaha.


Byeeee~!

Roll on floor.. In pain.

The time of the month arrived, and the cramp was EXCRUCIATING. Jess, tell the people about the pain!

Site - Umbilical area
Onset - In the morning, during ward round
Character - CRAMPY. Always there. Getting worse
Radiation - Was focal at first, but became very generalised to the whole abdomen
Associated features - panicking cos' I was supposed to have an exam the same afternoon
Time course - Just there for long time.
Exacerbation/Relief: No exacerbations, relief from Naproxen Sodium 125mg.
Severity - 10/10. I'm so sorry I'm just can't tolerate pain. I got zero tolerance.

So my colleague did the exam instead of me, but the one tmr is still on.. Thank God I'm feeling so much better now with the miracle pill NAPROXEN~!~!~! Girls should try it man, for menstrual cramps. Works miracles.

Cooking time. Toodles.

Happy Birthday Janice // Don't like this.

Happy birthday, Janice sistelllllll. You're 20 finally! Seriously, like, FINALLY. When was the last time someone said you look YOUNGER than 20??? Like.. When you were 15? LOL. Anyway! Welcome to the twenties club! It's not like it's a huge change in your life lah, but the age is creeping up on ya and soon you'll be 50. HHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Okay I'm so mean. I'm older than you anyway so just laugh at me. ==

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAH. HOPE YOU FIND YOUR PRINCE CHARMING SOON. MUST BE SOMEONE WHO CAN TOLERATE YOU AND ME K? lollllll. GOD BLESS YA SISTEL! ^^

-------------------------------------------------

CHANGE OF MOOD. SERIOUSLY DAMN MOOD SWING LAH.


Deafening silence. It's damn freaky.

I guess this might be the first time I'm home alone, with no music on, no drunkards singing as they walk past, no James to nag at me saying I'm a nerd. No drama from Janice's room. Only the lap top's fan making the most irritating sound.

I don't like this.

It's my Summative OSLER tomorrow. It's like having a consultant sitting next to you as you take a history from the patient and do examinations on them. I've had my practice one last week. It went okay, except for the presentation part. But now I'm freaking out all over again. And another surprise OSLER with another consultant the next day. Wasn't really a surprise, just a bit too early to what I would imagine.

I guess it's stress + being alone at home. James' gone to his friend's place to relax cos' he hasn't got any exams... I feel terrible nowww. I can't describe this feeling.

To my dear friend.

Yes girl, you'll get through this.

You're the bravest and sweetest girl I know, and I'm very sure that you've got that faith and it will not bring you down.

I'm here for you, and you know that! Be it breakfast, lunch, dinner, coffee, supper or just plain greediness (hehe), swimming (nono, no gym..), or karaoke-ing, I'll gladly do it with ya.

Will keep you in my prayers, my dear friend. Don't give uppp! You won't lose to it this time. (:

CHEER UP!

Post on-call.

Sunrise ( or post sunrise?) at 8am. Taken by JAMES CHANG.

I had intentions of staying at the hospital a wee bit longer for more drawing of blood from patients (need more practice.. saw my colleague this morning going around the ward with the trolley and saw her draw blood from a patient. SHE WAS DAMN PRO. oh man!! i'm sucha noob.), but I developed this sort of tension headache minutes before my very informal presentation to my consultant, and I was definitely gonna inflict harm on my patients, so I skipped.

Man, waking up at 730am after a 15hour shift he day before is not funny. I even had to miss my baking session with Lyds, Jen and Rach this afternoon....... ZZZ. After lunch at Subway (haven't had that for AGES! Miss it so much..), got a Mocha Latte and went home to... Chill. It was awesome. Just enjoying my coffee and not thinking of anything to do with the hospital is really very relaxing. I haven't been so tired before, and neither have I enjoyed Saturday as much as I am now. Thank God for weekends. Seriously.

James is complaining that I'm not talking about him again. James is very happy because he finished his assignment so he can enjoy his weekend, with me. HAHA. We haven't been spending much time together cos' of out busy schedules, mostly because of my on calls. So this is a good time. (:

Gonna enjoy a movie with him now. Tata.

Dead tired.

Queen's birthday on Monday.

Everyone around me is saying to one another, 'have a great long weekend!'. Everyone have wide smiles on their faces. Some are thinking or has already PLANNED on a weekend trip to somewhere nice and relaxing. Some are going to just lay back and stay home with their beloved ones. Except Jess (and the rest of the Medical team), BECAUSE WE'RE ON CALL THIS LONG WEEKEND!

Got back from the night on call at 2315ish, and I was both hungry and tired. I had to choose whether or not I wanted to eat at all. I was famished, so I opted to eat. Great. I hate sleeping right after eating, so I watched a little bit of TV, still trying to stay awake, think through what I've seen on tonight's duty, watch a little bit more, then showered, and now using the com. I'm extremely tired now but I think this is the best time to express how very tired I can get and how dysfunctional I can be when I don't get enough sleep/have been doing too much in the day.

Had my practice OSLER today. It was a simple cardio case. I did get all the questions and findings (EXCEPT FOR THE MURMUR. I thought it was both mitral regurgitation and aortic stenosis, but it was only aortic stenosis with radiation to the axilla!!! sorry, pardon me.), but I presented pretty badly.. So I really have to brush up my presenting.. Especially the summary, when I don't EVEN summarize at all. This is bad. The real thing's either next week or the week after. It's going to depend on the coin and which face I choose. Yep, gonna flip the coin with my colleague to see who goes first.

It's Janice's birthday this Tuesday and I haven't even gotten anything for her. See I'm even saying what I'm thinking right now, I think I should stop blogging.

My eyes are the size of slits and they're burning.. And dry... Ward round at 8am. It's 1:03am now.

Happy long weekend, guys.

Cutting throats.

I've been having really negative feedback of the people at the hospital, especially my colleagues.. And I don't even know how to deal with it.


It seems like if one wants to excel and get Distinctions in our runs, then we gotta do everything right, get every answer to their question right, be ALWAYS there so they'll see that you're in the wards doing something, always LOOK and SOUND enthusiastic, laugh at every of their jokes even if they're NOT funny at all.. I've seen so many of these in the past 4 months, and I want a break from them.

It's so superficial. I find it so annoying sometimes, but I won't say it, because it's just mean.. And I know it's wrong to even think so badly of them.. My bad.. Even if they know that what they're doing is somewhat despicable, all they want is just a good grade, right?

We had a tutorial today, and my tutor was asserting his belief that every doctor/medical student are good at cutting throats. If you're not gonna perform, the rest of the team will just slowly drag that dagger of theirs across your throat. You're so not gonna survive this very unfair match.

I do agree with him to an extent, but surely not everyone's like that? I'm neither an extreme shut up person, and neither am I a chatterbox that goes on and on the whole day.. I'm just really afraid that cut throat assassins would not spare my throat if I don't perform better than them. At the same time, I don't want to become like one of them.

It's hard being in this. ):

pictures since i've been inactive.

some pics i took from church camp - 经历生命，与主同行!


my 1st ever symphony orchestra concert i've been to. and my friend josh was in it too! very nice.. (:

breakfast with lyds on saturday morning. the forest mushrooms @ nectar is SO good. and the coffee.. mmmm.... latte.... :P

coffee date with my colleagues, especially for queenie since she was going to invercargill for a month!

james and i!
tried on my free pair of 'big eye' contact lenses that sunday.. i look scary, right? ALIEN...


will try to blog more... but for now, im gonna sleep. buhbye.

Updates updates!

Haven't been blogging for ages...!

I've just started on Acute Medicine run today, and all I can say is I'm gonna try my best to learn as much as I can.. Through my partner, through my tutorials, through my really nice consultant.. Gonna have chances on this run to be on call! I haven't been on call before, so I guess this is gonna be a new experience for me.. And also find out how annoying those pagers can get!

I'm so glad I'm doing Med. I know this is what I like doing.. Meeting new people, making them feel better... As long as you see them with that wide smile on their faces, you know all that you've done is worth it.

These 4 months in my 4th year has been so fruitful.. I learnt so much more than I expected to, which is awesome.

I don't even know what I'm blogging about. I guess the updates just get pretty boring aye? And I haven't been using much of my camera either... The latest event with photos taken should be the camp I went to about 3 weeks ago.. The photos taken by a friend of mine were awesome! I'l try to post them up when they reach me.

In the meantime, I hope that everyone reading this is doing well. (: God bless!



James' update: James is watching TV. End of update for James.

爽!

It's 4pm and I'm still in my pyjamas.. ROFL.
I HEART HOLIDAYS!!! (BIMBOTIC..)

It's my 1 week break now and I'm enjoying every minute of it. Some of my classmates from CCH and Wellington (including !MEITING!) came down to Dunedin and I got to meet them the past few days.. It's awesomeee. I haven't met Jen for a looong time too, and we went to The Terrace for dinner yesterday, and I really enjoyed those few hours with Meits, Emu, Jen and Ka Wai.. NADS YOU SHOULVE BEEN HERE~!~! Missing you from Dunners.. (: I haven't had such stress-less non-school related chats for the longest time ever.. I think we need more of such meet ups more often, MICN301 ladies(I DUNNO WHY I STILL CALL OURSELVES 3rd yrs BUT OH WELL!)!!

Thank you, girls. (: I had great fun. Meits, txt me when you're going to the butterfly exhibition! Sounds very nerdy to go to such exhibitions right... But be jealous, cos' we've got holidays and you (maybe) don't! LOL...

Haven't uploaded photos from my cam yet so Jen and Ka Wai won't be seen in any photosss.. But I'll post them up later! (: And yes, Meits and Jen, I wore the same top for 2 consecutive nights... Cos' it's been so cold and that top really keeps me warm!! Hehehe.

Dinner at Thai Kar Tom Cafe

Queenie, Natalie, Shuang, myself and Yung Yung

All of the above + Terence

Myself and Shuang!

Queenie and I acting cute.. Hahahaha.

Coffee at Alibi

Hello Meits and Emu! :D

It's a happy day today!

Happy 1st anniversary, 家源！ :D

Thank you for being my 开心果 and just always being here for me, whenever I'm down, happy, crazy, PMS-ing, angry or super high. You're my everything. *blushblush* Muah!


P.S. Apparently Stephie and Victor share the same anniversary day as us too! So Happy 2nd anniversary, you 2! You guys are sucha sweet couple.. (:

sg friends

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. I just found these photos and decided to post them up.. They're just damn funny I couldn't help smiling sillily to myself. Luckily I'm alone at home otherwise some people will think I'm mad. The time when 6 of us went to Bistro GaGa for dinner.. Awesome time with the black star ring and the sunnies. Man, imagine a rather sophisticated place, everyone else having their nice little quiet dinner, and 6 other mad ladies laughing and using their camera taking pictures for the whole half hour, WITH FLASH.. We must be such embarrassment, but who cares rite.. HAHAHA. To Eiferians! (:

I miss Joan and Shuo too, even though PANG Shuo always pangseh and lie that she's tired. We're the cam whores of the century. I can't believe we were at that Jap restaurant Sun with Moon for almost 2 hours waiting for that pang shuo and stayed a little longer for some photo taking session. Hahahahaha. Those were the times when we had soooooo much time for these... I think Shuo's in Shanghai still... Haven't been updated! LOL.

James' masterpiece

I'm meant to post this up AGESSSSSSS ago, but it always slipped my mind! Anyway, presenting to you, James' very own Harbour Bridge of Auckland!!!!!! (See, he loves Auckland so much.. Unlike Dunedin. LOL)

I heard that his other friend (who is also from Auckland) made the Sky Tower of Auckland! LOL, so they have a miniature Auckland right by their side.. Awwwww, how sweet.. I think his Harbour Bridge is about the size of my palm!

And now, the real thing...

Harbour Bridge!
Yay! everytime I'm on it, I know I'm either going to town for shopping, or going back to James' place for YUMMY dinnerrr. I miss Auckland!!

And Sky Tower!

I went up there once, and the view is magnificant at nighttt!

So ya, that's what they do at SCHOOL! Hehe, nah, he makes other stuff too, like the necklace he made for me last year ROFLLLLLLLLL. Kidding. He's in Dental Technology, and he needs to practice using the materials, so making stuff like this is good for him! Haha!

He left his miniature Harbour Bridge in the lab cos' according to him, it's the safest place already. Hahaha. Besides, it looks better with the Sky Tower next to it! (:

Cute-ness.

OUT!

The paranoid freakkk is doing...

...GREAT! :D Like what everyone says, it's the rainbow/sun shine after the rain!

I'm so glad this week's over, even though it was a looong week break and I only needed to be at the hospital for 3 days.. And you guys know why from the crazy posts I wrote a few days back.. Man, I can get pretty stressed sometimes aye! Need to take a chill pill sometimes, haha. (:

The church had its 12th year anniversary celebration today! We had an ENORMOUS cake which I believe was from Dessert Room (YEAH, the same place James bought my birthday cake from!), and free lunch cooked by the aunties of the church. Hahaha. The founder of the church, Pastor Siew, was there to give a sermon as well, and as usual, we all get tickled by the little songs he came up with, and the jokes he makes.. It was great having him around.

The pastor is one of many others in the world who gave their life to evangelising, helping the sick and poor, starting up new churches and so much more. Their contribution to the Christian community is so precious, and very much adored by our loving Father. We may think that we aren't as great as those evangelists who risk their lives to spread the gospel, because we merely help out at church, occasionally pray for a sick friend, or just working/studying.. But as long as we know that we are all serving the Lord with the right purpose, He knows that you are still doing an awesome job!

I google-d one of Pastor Siew's songs and someone ACTUALLY blogged about it! HAHA! Okay, I'll copy and paste it here. You gotta sing this song with the tune from the "1 2 3 4 5 6 7, 我的朋友在哪里？在那里，在那里，我的朋友在那里!" song. If you want to rap it that's fine too. It's in Mandarin and it's called the zero zero song (〇〇歌) LOL.

The main idea of this song is that life is GOOD with God. Without God, we're nothing, or zero. Pastor Siew's equation for this is: GOOD - GOD = O. And when we do believe in God, we have to put him first before everything else, otherwise we're nowhere better than nothing.

00歌
(by 萧招和牧师)

0再加0还是0
不分加減或除乘
算來算去都是0
加多一點也不能
(000000000)

若在0前加個1
就有大大的差別
後邊0位越加多
數目越來越多
(1000000000)

請問前邊1是誰
原來正指主耶稣
虛空加上祂充滿
缺乏隨時變有餘

切記1字要在前
千萬莫放後邊
耶稣若非居首位
00照舊不值錢
(0000000001)

It's cute how he came up with this song, it's really helpful, and also cute! Hope you found that interesting too, hehe.

OUT!

Jess..

Jess needs to get a grip of herself.

Jess just missed a Neurology Outpatient Clinic this morning (unintentionally...), having menstrual cramps since this morning, neck ache after being thrown onto the couch by that certain strong guy (nothing dodgy happened, don't get your hopes too high. only a sore neck was what i got), still the dull ache in my leg and arm.. And now, diarrhoea for no apparent reason too.......

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The only thing worrying me now is not even my health, but the missed OP clinic. ):

Brb. Toilet time.


Back. That was my 3rd time to the toilet since 11am. It's 12:32 now.. I'm wondering if there's an association between diarrhoea and menstruation, because I've had bouts of diarrhoea for a few times when I was having my periods, especially on the 1st few days.. This is worth researching on.. Unless I find out that this is yet another coincidental finding.. Of me eating bad food during the days leading to my 1st day of period. Hmmm..

Jess is really sick now.. She can hardly finish typing this sentence without feeling thrashy. The toilet bowl's her best friend now.. ): So sorry about the sad posts recently.. It's only during these times when just typing everything out will make me feel better..

KIASU.

Am I like what Mum say about me: Kiasu?


4am Tuesday morning: I dreamt I was cutting someone's left off (!!!!) for no apparent reason, and I woke up holding onto a leg, thinking it wasn't mine I kept shaking it off trying to get it away from me. James was awoken by my screaming and saw me kicking my right leg while I was crying. I was totally blank. My right leg really felt like it wasn't mine.. I guess I was still semi-conscious and still living my dream (HURHUR). He shook me to get me thinking straight, until I realised my leg felt sooooooo 酸 - like a dull achy feeling which was SO UNCOMFORTABLE. I didn't sleep well the whole night, so did James who woke up at 4am by a mad woman screaming her head off. (and thus was late for his morning appointment with the church people)

Tuesday morning and noon: Dull achy pain still there.. Wondered if it was the way I slept, because the only 'sport' I did the previous day was Wii Sports at Lyd's.. If you think that's enough to cause me my pain for more than 3 days, then yeah, it's Wii's fault. Had lunch with Lyds and was still bothered by it but hoped it would go away soon..

Tuesday 3+pm: Was trying to finish off my assignment on the computer when my right arm started tingling and had the same dull achy feeling. Then my lips started feeling tingly.

OMGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What was happening to me..? All the terrible possibilities started running across my mind.. I txted James who was at Gore by then, and he replied, "去看医生". Because it was Otago Anniversary, Student Health was closed and so I went to Urgent Doc. As I walked to Urgent Doc, I kept thinking I had a nerve problem.. Did Ah Ma have this? Did anyone else in my family have this? I'm only 21, do I have a stroke? Do I have some upper motor neuron lesion? Do I have a brain haemorrhage..? DO I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOUR? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm only 21 I don't wanna get my life shortened...... I started tearing as I thought of all this RUBBISH.

Txted Lyds and she rushed to the doc to accompany me. (OH MAN THE LIB ALARM JUST RANG AND IT STARTLED ME I JUMPED OFF MY SEAT.. ahem. pardon me.) After I explained to the doc what happened to me, she did a neurological exam on me. There was definitely decreased sensation and motor function on my right side (esp. hand), BUT.....

DOC SAID IT WAS JUST MUSCULAR... Coincidentally both muscles of right leg and right hand were sore at the same time! Yeah! SO COINCIDENTAL, RIGHT? Sleeping on my right side at night, and writing and clicking the mouse with my right hand.. (duh.) At first I wasn't convinced, but after that I thought about it and guessed the doc was just right.. I was totally freaked out lah. The doc found out I'm a med student, and started laughing.. And told me that every med student, at one point of their life, would just think that they have a brain tumour/stroke at age 21 (that's ME)/gonna die at age 38 of a heart attack.

So I spent 70bucks at Urgent Doc............. For consultation, and of course, emotional comfort.

Txted Mum about spending 70 bucks at the doctor, and she called back almost immediately. First thing she said: "Wah, why so kiasu?"

=="


I'm just freaked out these days. Everything that happened. SERIOUSLY. Need a breather!!!

I really need to thank Lyds this time. If it wasn't for her I think I'd be diagnosing myself with the weirdest and longest syndrome you can find in a medical textbook.

P.S. Yes James, you were mentioned up there.

P.P.S Just in case you all think you're reading a blog that belongs to someone faceless, there you go, a photo taken on Saturday.. Before playing Wii..


Yes, I know, my hair's longer now, and uglier too. Lol. Who cares, I'm going back to Singapore to cut my hair again! :D

OUT!

你是我永远的救主

Happy Easter, everyone!

今天是复活节 (Easter), the day when the Lord Jesus Christ rose again, after He was brutally beaten and then nailed on the cross, and died for all of us.

This video was shown on Good Friday at church (means I'm 2 days late haha), and it shows a few snapshots of the movie Passion of The Christ. You may want to watch it and fully understand the meaning of Good Friday and Easter.

Enjoy!

An incident I'll NEVER forget.

HI ALL!

I know I've been so bad with updating my blog, but tada! I'm here again. (:

I guess you guys must be pretty sick of listening to me talking about my med school life, but just fyo, I just started on Oncology run this morning! Hopefully I'll gain lots from this run.

Things were pretty cruisy until everyone became psyched about handing up their write ups before our run ends, and it freaked me out so much I didn't spend adequate time with my mum and brother. Yes, they came to visit me for a week!

The week went just like any other visits, until something crazy happened on the day they left (which was yesterday)! While we were preparing to leave for the airport (at about 6:15), suddenly a Kiwi guy walked out of my sister's room!!! He was filthy, and had blood stains all over his body!!!! OMG, RIGHT?!?! I TOTALLY FROZE. My first thought was: JANICE!!!!

He was stunned to see us and was trying to catch his breath while apologizing for breaking into our house. He said he was trying to RUN AWAY FROM A MONGREL MOB and has been running for the past hour! He broke in through my sister's window (OMG RITE!) and all he wanted was to use the PHONE to call the police! It was just freaking scary! I quickly rushed into my sister's room to check if she was okay, and THANKFULLY, she was still peacefully asleep, and didn't even know that a man just climbed through her window INTO HER ROOM.

And so after all the drama-mama, he quickly fled to hide from that 'mongrel mob' after making the call to the police. And we were all left stunned. 0.0 Nothing was stolen from Janice's room. What was left was his blood stains and dirty foot prints on her carpet.

James was pretty upset about the whole incident, as he kept warning us about how dangerous it'll be to leave our windows open, especially at night! And thankfully, it wasn't a robber or rapist or whatever bad person this time.. If it was... We're DEAD MEAT.

James also asked me a really serious and important question: What if the blood stain on the man wasn't his?

It was just a freaking scary incident lah. I'm so gonna leave my windows closed the whole time, at least for this week.


FREAKYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.


This world really ain't safe at all... Haha..


On a lighter note, Mum says I can go back to SIngapore in JUNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYY~!! :D Will blog more soon.. Hopefully with photos. (:

Bye!

Yael Naim - New Soul

This is the song that makes me stop whatever I was doing, have that awesomest feeling whilst enjoying the melody, for the most of last week.

Familiar song? It's from Apple MacBook Air advert. (:

The song just makes my mood so much better. Imagine a tired med student coming home after a long day at the hospital, and having to cook dinner right after that..

Then the song comes on. Indescribable, man.

It so happened C4 channel was broadcasting her MV, and I saw it! I'm so glad I found the title and singer of that song.. Wee~

Hope you'll enjoy the song as much as I do. Really like the MV too. ^^

Yael Naim - New Soul

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

I'm a young soul in this very strange world
hoping I could learn a bit about what is true and fake.
But why all this hate?
Try to communicate.
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

This is a happy end
cause' you don't understand everything you have done
why's everything so wrong

This is a happy end
come and give me your hand
I'll take your far away.